We all agree that movies are entertaining, but don’t you agree that they should have some level of realism? They should carry the story through the entire film, and various elements should keep the audience engaged. Let’s consider a movie with extraordinary heroism and tactical details. It has it all: conflict, character development, suspense, humour, drinking, drugs, violence.
Fasten your seatbelts. Here we go.
Amid heated action, everybody shoots everything that moves. The hero, call him Julie, runs across the open yard, and keeps shooting left and right with his AK-47. Suddenly Julie runs out of ammo. The only reasonably logical solution is to pick up the nearest gun and continue the mayhem. And because this is a movie set, a 9mm Beretta is on his feet. He picks it up and continues shooting. And Beretta saves the day. By now, Julie and Beretta have become good friends, and together, they will erase as many bandits as they possibly can within this 2-hour limit.
Suddenly, the cavalry arrives after all this shooting that lasted at least 15 minutes. A group of army men with the best armament and training money can buy rallies to Julie’s and Beretta’s aid at least 120 km per hour speed, breaks, and some handsome militia personnel jumps out of vehicles. But there is no rest for the wicked. Suddenly a scruffy-looking group of lousy ass terrorists arrives. How do we know they are terrorists? Easy, they are wearing scarves around their necks and headband.
By the way, I forgot to describe army men’s outfit: clean, brand-new vests with armored plates, perfect body fit for all sizes. Looking at them, you might think: “That’s my hero, GI Joe!”
Ok. Back to the movie.
So, there will be an epic battle of ideologies; on one side, ideologically correct freedom guards and war heroes, and on the other side brainwashed group of no-good uneducated farmers with their flip-flops. Who is going to win? Guess? Anybody? Yes, that’s right: heroes, of course. Who else? Let’s look at the battle that ensued.
“Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” -All About Eve, 1950
Remember, Julie and Beretta are amid this all. When the shooting starts, without any warning, Julie and Beretta run across that yard, jump over a shopping table, push over the table, and start shooting behind the cover. Let’s not forget: these tables in this specific marketplace are all bulletproof. No ordinary bullet can pierce them.
Who are they shooting at? Come on! The scruffy-looking bandits, of course. Why? Because they are bad people, they deserve to be shoot at. Meanwhile, our heroes on the other side have moved with military precision and taken cover behind their armored vehicles and bulletproof tables.
Shooting starts. Within the first couple of seconds, there are some casualties. Heroically militia personnel pull their compatriots to safety with fireman’s carry style and starts giving first aid. This all while bullets ricochet all around them. The opposing side is not doing this because they are used to having casualties. And where would they take them? There are no medical personnel, no field hospitals, or ambulances.
Julie and Beretta can’t take this any longer. As heroes in this movie, they jump over the bulletproof table and run, zigzagging again across the yard and take one of the many RPG-32 rocket launchers which were mysteriously left lying there.
Without hesitation, Julie and Beretta launch the rocket, without ensuring that RPG-32 is armed and ready to be used, towards the tank that mysteriously appeared in the battle. With high precision from a distance of three meters, the rocket hits the tank’s turret with a massive explosion. The tank breaks in half from left to right, and smoke starts billowing from its interior. Immediately three persons appear from it and take cover behind nearby bulletproof tables. That was a close call, but luckily, they survived!
By now, there has been a significant amount of shooting taking place in this small marketplace. But, like a miracle, only one GI-Joe has been seriously hit but saved by heroic medics. The stray bullet ricocheting from the surface of a bulletproof table caused the injury. “Such a stroke of good luck,” I would say. On the other side, there have been few casualties, not many, but few. All are behind covers and continue shooting relentlessly. Bullets are flying from every possible direction.
Once again, our hero with his 9mm Beretta goes into action. With precise aiming and fast-paced shooting, they take down bad guys one after another; one on the roof, one behind the bulletproof table, one inside the building, behind a thick concrete wall, and one just around the corner through a concrete barrier. They go on and on until there is none left. What a remarkable heroism. All this time GI-Joes continued shooting but not hitting any bad guys. What were they shooting at? Is it possible that their top-tier shooting training and precision guns were not what they were supposed to be? Could it be that their movement was not so effective and professional after all? No, I don’t think so. But still – no bandits were erased by them. There must be some logic for this; unfortunate.
The only reason I could find was the heroic action of our duo, Julie and Beretta. Together they could erase at least 30 plus baddies with a single clip on a 9mm Beretta. Impossible? Not at all. Do I have to remind you that Julie is holding and using Super Beretta, which can shoot continuously anything from 15 to 200 rounds per clip? Super Beretta is known to be the primary weapon of any army or gang-banger infantrymen anywhere in the world. That is why Julie found it in the middle of the marketplace.
“The stuff that dreams are made of.” -The Maltese Falcon, 1941
The second reason is the incredible hit ratio; 95% of all shot bullets. That 5% comes from Julie’s sharp shooting skills when she shot some steel cables and other variables from a distance of about 50m to distract an opponent. Remarkable skill.
I reckon by now you have noticed the name of our hero. Yes, it is Julie, and she is he. You see, nowadays, it is discriminatory to assign a name to any character based on their sexual orientation; therefore, his name is Julie.
Did this story remind you of some famous movie you have seen lately? If it does, you belong to those few thousand individuals who cannot relax and show untainted appreciation to your fellow viewers. These movies aren’t realistic. They are supposed to entertain without any agenda whatsoever. They produce these movies for people like you and me, whose brain capacity cannot carry enough grey matter to understand what the capacity of Julie’s Super Beretta clip is or what is the effective firing range to shoot an RPG-32 rocket, causing devastating damage to targeted tank spraying it’s interior with hot molten metal and causing its’ ammunition to explode, thus destroying everything within the tank.
People who have written this movie, and many other similar action-packed films and tv-series, have done extensive research, working very hard to bring us the best viewing experience money can buy and, most notably, considering the viewer’s capability to understand the fundamental laws of physics. They are the people who keep film studios and their immensely rich shareholders in their champagne and caviar.
So, next time you go to the movies, remember – it is not you; it’s them.
